Act Like the Natives…DON’T!!!

Act Like the Natives, FM 21-76 Survival manual: “Act like the natives to avoid detection in enemy territory.”  Eat what they eat and wear what they wear.  “When you are in this situation, accept and adopt native behavior. In this way, you avoid attracting attention to yourself.”

However, in the church environment, DO NOT act like the natives. To act like them might be cliquish and aloof.  Besides a handshake and a greeting of “hello,” that short salutation might end in an awkward stare at each other until someone the greeter knows comes by. Then, you may be left standing alone while the two friends begin chatting with each other. 

Becoming part of a church family takes time and can take years to be “accepted” or may never happen.  Many Christians who have attended their church for decades have complained about still not feeling part of their church family.  Several factors may contribute to this:  It might be their personality, lack of church involvement, or little or no effort in reaching out to others. It may also involve the kind of people attending that particular church, and leadership’s poor example in getting to know others.  And, it often appears that today’s leadership is only friendly to people they already know and respect.

A church can have biblical government and preach sound doctrine and still have a congregation that is too selfish to reach out to others because its leadership is not willing to reach out to strangers.  In so doing, leaders shouldn’t expect their parishioners to reach out to visitors on a Sunday morning, or strangers in the community, as we are commanded by God to “make disciples of all nations.”  This command will not take place if church elders are selfish and inward.  A pastor or elder’s personality has nothing to do with whether they are friendly or not. They are commanded in Scripture to be hospitable to strangers. The command is to be sociable no matter what their disposition is, or how uncomfortable they may be in talking to others.

Hospitable means to be genuinely welcoming, friendly, warm, open, generous, kind, sociable, approachable, outgoing, responsive, pleasant, kindly, courteous, gracious, and forthcoming.  (Did I leave anything out?!)  It is a high responsibility from God to be in leadership.  But, today’s church has become inhospitable and unsociable to outsiders because of their leadership’s poor example. Christians are directed to love one another no matter how well or how long we have known our Christian brothers and sisters.

• We should love one another (1 John 3:11).
• A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another (John 13:34).
• Above all, keep loving one another earnestly (1 Peter 4:8).
• Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law (Romans 13:8).
• Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth (1 John 3:18).
• With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:2-3).

Church members will imitate how their leaders treat “outsiders.”  Not only do church leaders model inhospitality, but they also model partiality, meaning “personal favoritism.” In practice, it is being inconsiderate and discourteous to outsiders! James 2:1,9 reads; “My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory.” “But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.”

We must not act like the natives.  To do so would be a sin.  We need to rise above the church’s selfishness and be the Christian model that many church leaders refuse to be. “Act Like the Natives, DON’T!”  Paul wrote several times to mimic his Christian life.  He was not ashamed to model the life of Christ, nor telling others to imitate him:

• I urge you, then, be imitators of me (1Cor. 4:16)
• Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ (1 Cor. 11:1)
• Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us (Phil. 3:17)
• What you have learnedand received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you (Phil. 4:9)
• You know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake. And you became imitators of us and of the Lord (1Thess. 1:5-6)
• It was not because we do not have that right, but to give you in ourselves an example to imitate (2Thess. 3:9) 

Proverbs 22:6 reads, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it.” This verse has two opposing directions.  The direction towards godly decisions, and the opposite direction of leaning on your own understanding.

Example:

• In a Christian home, children should learn to deal with life’s problems through prayer. That is their parent’s model.
• In an alcoholic home, children learn to deal with life’s problems with substance abuse.  Again, that is their parent’s model.

What kind of example are your pastor and elders modeling for you in how you are to treat newcomers or “outsiders”?  Do you see them reaching out to new people and getting to know them?  Do you see leadership introducing these new folks to other church people?  When was the last time you heard that your church leaders hosted newcomers, or even other congregants, in their homes?  To be biblically qualified, they are commanded to be hospitable to strangers, and this is to be a regular habit of godly leadership.

If the pastor doesn’t think hospitality to strangers is imperative, nor will his elders or congregation.  We know of a pastor who has his Ph.D. in Expository Preaching.  In his bio, he states, “I like to meet people.”  We attended his church for several months.  Once, while we were sitting in the pew, he passed by us on his way to the pulpit as the service was about to begin.  He introduced himself as the pastor and said that he was happy to meet us.  Besides a signed generic welcome letter generated from our visitor card, that was the most he and his elders ever did to reach out to us the entire time we had attended! Not one of the elders introduced themselves to us, and very few regular attendees gave us a greeting.  In four months, only two people actually engaged us in a conversation!

You may be thinking, “how sad” or “how pathetic,” but this is not uncommon in today’s church.  Friendliness of church leadership and the congregation is a huge motivating factor that determines whether newcomers will come back or decide to try elsewhere.  It is also the motivation in whether people become regular attenders, then members, and become actively involved in church.  Do you see how vital friendliness and hospitality is?  No one wants to remain in a place where they feel unwanted, unwelcome, and where no one, especially leadership, shows no interest in them.

Pastors and elders of today must think that the minimum effort of introducing themselves and saying, “Hello, how are you?” is fulfilling the hospitality command; and by doing so they have fulfilled their Christian duty in Titus 1:8 and 1Tim. 3:2.  One of the first things you learn as a leader in the military is that  you never ask your soldiers to do something that you wouldn’t do yourself.  Therefore, if church leadership isn’t friendly, they shouldn’t expect their church people to be welcoming either.

Church leaders have come up with several ways to avoid showing hospitality to strangers and newcomers after the worship service. 

• The pastor avoids strangers and newcomers by staying up front, waiting for a new convert that might come. 

Recommendation:  Leadership can train deacons and deaconess to be available up front after the service to pray with new believers and others in need.  Elders and deacons can also do this on rotation.  The pastor can make his way to the church foyer shortly before the service is over, in order to greet people on their way out.  The pastor (and his wife) has traditionally done this for centuries.

• The elders avoid strangers and newcomers by becoming very busy flitting around the church, rolling up cables, putting away chairs, straightening up the pews, and performing other labor-intensive duties.

Recommendation:  Assign deacons and deaconess to do these things on rotation.

• Leadership avoids strangers and newcomers by selecting one person or a small group of people to talk with until everyone leaves.  By looking so involved in speaking with them, they avoid making eye contact with anybody else. 

Recommendation: Leadership can assign elders’ specific areas of the church to stand in order to greet people passing by.

• Leadership avoids strangers and newcomers by hurrying off to collect their children.  Once they have their children in hand, knowing the children are hungry, tired, and fidgety, they now have an excuse to leave quickly and not greet others.

Recommendation:  The elders can create a rotational plan as to who is “on duty,” which Sunday morning, and what that person is responsible for.  Those on duty can ask their wives or older child to collect younger children.

• They do the “Home Depot®” glance.  Just like at Home Depot®, where you know a worker has seen you, but they walk the other way to avoid helping you.  Or, the “Thousand-yard stare.” That’s when a church leader looks in your direction, but looks past you as if they are looking at something attentively in the distance. Then, they walk towards your direction, passing you by without a word or a glance.

Recommendation:  Train leadership members to be friendly to all and go out of their way to engage a variety of people in conversation.

Unfortunately, these behaviors go on in thousands of churches across America, month after month, year after year.  I remember a dinner fellowship that my wife and I attended.  As newcomers, no one went out of their way to talk to us. We were new, and we kind of expected it.  While my wife and I were conversing, the pastor came up to introduce another new man to me, and then the pastor left!  The three of us sat together and talked for the remainder of the meal.  We watched the regular attenders talking and laughing amongst themselves, enjoying each other’s company. The strange thing was that the pastor only introduced this man to me and no one else, which left the pastor off the hook.  The mentality was that the new people were supposed to stay together. 

We were treated like newcomers in this church for the two years we attended.  In their eyes, we had low status.  We didn’t have “ownership” by growing up in the church or being related to anyone attending.  I didn’t have a college degree.  I was a blue-collar worker as a correctional officer and lived paycheck to paycheck like millions of Americans.  I had no status in the community. Apparently, I didn’t have a whole lot to “offer a church.”

Being isolated like this is a horrendous act against those the church considers to be “outsiders.”  It is shamelessly done on a regular basis in too many churches.  However, as Jesus began His ministry, he called men from these professions to come alongside him to be His disciples:  Fishermen (the brother sets of James and John, Andrew and Peter), a tax collector (Matthew), and a political zealot (Simon).  Although it is not certain what occupations that the other disciples had, it was thought that they were either fishermen or tradesmen.  None of these men seemed to have a high status in their communities, but were hard workers, specifically chosen by Christ to follow Him.  Thankfully, our salvation and our service to Him is never based on our character, personality, background, education, occupation, status, or financial wealth, to name a few.  It’s solely based upon God choosing us before the beginning of time for salvation (predestination) and doing the works He has prepared for us in advance to do.  (Eph 1:4, 2:10)

What should you expect from your Christian leaders?

In Titus 1:8 and 1Timothy 3:2, Apostle Paul writes that church leaders are to be hospitable. The word means “to love strangers.” It is a commanded Christian virtue of not just leaders, but everyone in the church (Rom. 12:13; Heb. 13:2; 1Peter 4:9). It’s not about entertaining family and friends, but rather showing kindness to strangers. Jesus said:  

• When you give a luncheon or a dinner, do not invite your friends or your brothers or your relatives or rich neighbors, otherwise they may also invite you in return and that will be your repayment. But when you give a reception, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed, since they do not have the means to repay you; for you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous  (Luke 14:12).

Church leaders should be 1 Peter men:

• Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart. (1Peter 1:22)
• Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. (1Peter 4:8)
• Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace. (1Peter 4:9-10)

Pastors and elders are to be models of friendliness and hospitality to outsiders.  They should be the friendliest people in the church.  They should be in pursuit of (chasing after) newcomers and congregants alike.  This is the same attitude of Christ who vehemently pursued us for salvation unto His death.

Cameron Buettel writes; “Pastoral leadership is a high calling that must not be taken lightly. Unqualified shepherds are dangerous to your spiritual growth, and a destructive cancer to the Body of Christ. Even in areas as seemingly mundane as orderliness and hospitality, God has high standards for His shepherds.

“People looking for a new church, or churches looking for a new pastor are often too narrowly focused on the skills the pastor has to offer. Scripture calls us to focus on personal character and conduct.

“But there is one—and only one—skill pastors must have (1 Timothy 3:1–7). That one skill is an indispensable ability required by all who would shepherd God’s flock.”(Be Respectable and Hospitable)

If you are looking for a more friendly and hospitable church, you may have to attend the more liberal churches or cults.  I have found that the more conservative Bible churches are much less friendly and hospitable.  I don’t know why that is. 

• It might be that they are caught up in their own pietism.  They’re afraid of showing that they are sinners. 
• They are usually family-only oriented. The families focus is on their children and their immediate family.  Newcomers and strangers are not on their radar.
• They usually have higher incomes and are less trusting of others.  People with lower incomes tend to be friendlier and more hospitable.
• They also have higher education and may have a hard time relating to people with less schooling.
• They’ve grown up as a Christian, coming from a moral background, and can’t relate to those who have lived worldly lives before becoming Christians.

So, how do you NOT act like the natives?

• Greet one another with a holy kiss (Rom. 16:16). Show godly affection and attention to those in your church family.
• Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart. (1Pet. 1:22)
• Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace. (1Pet. 9-10)
• My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. (James 2:1)

It is challenging to keep going to a church where leadership plays favorites, and their congregants turn a blind eye to the commands of Scripture where it pertains to their leaders, because they are afraid to lose their status in the church.  Remember, you are still there for your Christian brothers and sisters whether they accept you as an equal or not.

Although it seems unbelievable, these inhospitable and unfriendly pastors and church leaders show that they aren’t called to the pastorate, and some may not even be Christians.  Stories of pastors leaving their pulpits after decades of service to chase after women, divorce their wives, and seek after other worldly pursuits have appeared in the media for years.  Unsaved pastors can deliver biblical messages because they have learned how to do so in seminary.   

I personally believe that another possible reason that the church has become unfriendly is from the pursuit of higher education.  In most churches today, the only real criteria sought from a pastor is a seminary degree; a doctorate being the best if the church can afford him. Because of his schooling accomplishments, the pastoral candidate’s character history isn’t questioned.  Having earned his degree, those in charge of hiring this pastor just assume that he is “biblically qualified”.

Unfortunately, many of the men that are graduating from seminaries are becoming pastors because they felt some vague spiritual call. Many have never confirmed their calling through the test of time regarding the verses in Titus 1:5-9, 1Timothy 3:1-7 and 1Peter 5:1-4.  Before entering a school of theology, these men should have already possessed and have been actively practicing these biblical characteristics before entering seminary. Titus, 1Timothy, and 1Peter are the real test, whether a man has been called to be a leader in the church.

There are seminary graduates who have paid to become a pastor but have never lived out the biblical requirements for the position.  These men never practiced hospitality before becoming a pastor, nor will after that.  And, they will choose elders with their same shortcomings.  Prideful pastors will not choose elders that will make them look bad or be a challenge to their Christian walk.

It is time for pastors, church leaders, and congregants to become Bereans by studying God’s Word to find out how they are to follow Christ.  What commands should be obeyed?  What direction should be followed?  It is only in God’s Word that we will find the answers to so many of the spiritual woes apparent in today’s church.  We are responsible for making positive changes that honor Christ.  God is waiting for a humble, obedient generation of Believers, willing to follow Him at all costs. 

Leadership is action, not position.

By Rob and Laura Robbins, July 2019, churchfm316.com

Editing and Proofreading by Laura Robbins

Additional Resources

1.  Chuck Gianotti, Th.M., Dallas Theological Seminary, has served in fulltime ministry for over 32 years as an elder, speaker, teacher, and author. He is married to his wife Mary and together they have two adult children and two grandchildren.

“Hospitality is an important part of the elders’ ministry which focuses on bringing others into the elder’s life circle. It is a required characteristic of biblically qualified elders and should be practiced regularly.”

Listen to his 15 min. lesson on Hospitality as it pertains to church leadership.

2.  “The Hospitality Command” (64-page booklet) by Alexander Strauch